A while back in our discussion on the rhythm of reconciliation, it was voiced that forgiveness is rare in the dynamic of an Asian household, Christian or not. We joked how it was unheard of to hear our parents apologize and ask for forgiveness. It’s been on my mind for a while now and lo and behold, I come across a helpful post by Pastor Andrew Wong entitled, “Forgiveness – and its absence in Chinese culture”. Here’s the outline of his post:
- How common is forgiveness in the Chinese household?
- Can we really have reconciliation without forgiveness?
- How do we become people who forgive much?
Here’s a sampling of his answer to question #2:
Can we really have reconciliation without forgiveness?
“What’s behind this is partly the concern for one’s face. A Chinese person obviously loses face by asking for forgiveness, since it highlights their inferior moral position. But a Chinese person also loses face by offering forgiveness – because by doing so there is a feeling that you are letting go of the right you have over someone. This is why it is so rare to find forgiveness in the dynamics of Chinese relationships.
This might bring about the effect of reconciliation – but not through the means of forgiveness. The outcome of reconciliation is actually quite important, and so Chinese people will work towards that – or at least towards the appearance of harmony. “Why insist on forgiveness, when we can still achieve reconciliation?” it is argued.” Shouldn’t that be our goal, after all?”
And so as to achieve a kind of reconciliation and preserve face at the same time, Chinese avoid forgiveness entirely in favour of quietly dropping the argument overnight. Or in favour of magnanamously relenting, while holding on to their right to be hurt.
However it is not up to us to decide that reconciliation without forgiveness is acceptable among the people of God. We are to be a people of forgiveness who, astoundingly, forgive as the Lord has forgiven us. We are to be experts at forgiveness!
Read the rest here. Thoughts?
